There are a lot of nightmares these days.
There was one about me being in the middle of a nice family dinner and suddenly realising we are at war with Russia!! I wonder where that came from? I could actually see the war-planes in the air and bombing around us.
And there there was one where I was in the middle of a nuclear attack~ I know now, as I write this, how funny it sounds. Comical, really. But it scared me a lot. It was so real.
Funny part is, it's almost always about death. My fear of death seems to be getting worse, to the point where I am almost terrified of taking a flight by myself. Not that it's anything new. I have always been scared of death. Mine and of those I love. But it feels more real now. When i'm scared like that, the thoughts are so graphic.
At the risk of sounding like a nerd, you know how we're always reading about how movies and violence can influence our thoughts? I feel my fear of flying alone actually got to this level after I saw Final Destination-I. No kidding.
About a month back, I was taking a flight to Bangalore. I was going home for a week and was pretty excited. But during the time I was sitting waiting for the aircraft to take off, all I could think about was the various ways I could die while in the air and how there would be no way out! I was so terrified that I might die before I get to see my family. That I would die alone, just when my life is starting really. From the minute the aircraft began taxxing till the time it was landing, I was holding my breath. Every sound, every bump had me ready to scream!
I can't get those two recent nightmares out of my mind. Sometimes, unwillingly, I go through the details that I can still remember. It was so real.
But I don't want to. I don't want to see anything like that again. Not in my dreams and definitely not while i'm awake.
